When you normalise chaos….

It’s been a while since my last blog.

I have wondered, would anyone notice, does anyone even read these? Is this collection of mental downloads and reflections of use to others in what is the most soul destroying of job markets.

A market in which I’m (almost) tempted to issue the plea, “stay put!!” however unfulfilling your job may be - advice that would usually be counter to anything I’d be likely to say.

At the start of the year I talked about my first Change FTC; grinding it out among the relentless imposter syndrome. And honestly, now I’m on the other side of that, I doubt I’ll ever be able to do those nine months any justice in mere words alone. But I promised to report back in that last blog, so here it is.

I worked in an environment of toxic positivity. Where chaos and ambiguity had become normalised. I could not have picked a worse job to break my Change duck on, with no clear direction, accountable line manager, mentor or sounding board. Leaving there (without a role to go to) was not so much a choice as a necessity. I logged on each day feeling utterly lost at sea, wondering how I might add some value or feel like I was making a difference.

And I’d begun to normalise the madness of this particular transformation programme, along with its wildly perilous coping culture.

When I left I knew only one thing for sure. I was good at what I did - could be so much better with a properly planned and co-ordinated brief and present manager - and reverting back to my knowledge management background would be the most staggering waste of all those learnings.

I was lucky to pick up my next role within a few weeks of resuming my job search. And to my delight, I stayed in the Change lane.

I’m now experiencing something much more cohesive, in a culture that supports its colleagues and does not require me to engage survival mode at the beginning of each working day.

I’ve come to understand that persistence, while often glorified, can come at a huge cost. Not to say it isn’t worth sticking with but worth caveating it helps to be sure you’re on a journey with a destination you’re certain you want to arrive on (and not just taking a punt on).

For me, Change was the obvious choice. As part of my anti retirement plan I went to be a counsellor, perhaps even a psychotherapist and what better place to start from than one which deals in people? Their needs, wants, frustrations.

So what’s the point of this post?

Perhaps you’ll take something positive from. Perhaps if you’re a regular visitor you’ll understand why I’ve been so quiet (because this unabashed ambush on my self-belief had tentacles all the way through to my writing, which I love so much to do).

I’ll be posting more regularly now. But in the interests of refusing to gloss over the sometimes shitty aspects of contracting, I’m sharing this experience. And to remind you what should and should not be normalised.